Forgotten but never forgiven
by Kikyo56
Summary: The hate without reason drove him insane. Her unmistakable beauty taunting him like so many times before. The same one that had beat him down despite his demon side and power, the faultless powerful miko. Even as he hated her, he respected her. New
1. My Remedy

_Chapter One: My Remedy _

Years passed since her death, years that were left hallow and without meaning. He had nowhere to turn, no one to teach him the way of life. But then again there was no way of life for a hanyou. Ever since his mother had passed, no one cared for him. The only thing he had was a father who left him, a brother who hated him and his meek human side. Everyday his soul turned darker, his need for power growing in his breast. The once golden eyes that shined now showed him as an animal caged up and taunted. His claws that he once shaved down now grew wildly and razor sharp without care. His only thoughts now were of gaining more power and obtaining the one thing that would grant it. The shikon-no-tama, what a jewel to behold.

She stared at me from the waterside; every now and then it splashed and nearly hit her, but never did. I hid in the tree, waiting for her to turn away for a second and make my move. The nape of her neck, there lay the shikon-no-tama, if I cut her throat I could get it while her blood cleansed it. She looked away and that's when I made my move, jumping from the tree and my hand held out. I felt the snare of the arrow ripping part of my skin as I hit the tree; she had hid that short bow under the folds of her cloths. She never had a short bow with her…

_That hanyou was waiting to attack me again, like always. This time I would really hurt his pride by hiding a short bow and then striking him when he thought he had won. Stupid hanyou, no demon could hurt me much less a half demon as he. I didn't even need to stand to pin him. _

I thought I heard a laugh from her, the bitch. Another arrow followed when she stood and now I hung on the tree like a doll. "You dumb little…" I muttered, I should have known better. I should have taken more time in checking my enemy before launching a melee attack. But nonetheless, how could this damn Miko even pin me?

_I loaded my bow again, ready to end this stupid game of cat and mouse. Energy flowed down my arm, to my fingertips and the arrowhead and just as I was ready to let go, I stopped suddenly. My body relaxed like after letting an arrow go, but tensed up as I caught and stop myself from doing so. I put the arrow in my quiver and began to turn away. "_What the hell is wrong with you? Are you too stupid to kill me or something?_" He bellowed, obvious annoyance and frustration in his voice. I turned ever so slightly, pointlessly almost as none of my face could be seen, "Hanyou, come no more for the jewel. I'll kill you next time, this time is a warning," I said flatly and left him there, he could find his own way off the tree. _

If that was true, what the hell were all the other time she had let me go?

--

_I didn't want to be the near the village or anyone for that matter. So instead I took the jewel with me and walked the open fields around the village. He was following me while hiding in the bushes many feet away. I sat down by a bush I knew he was near and put my long bow beside me, my hand never straying far from it. _

She wandered away from the village for the first time since I had followed her. Her skin actually bounced back some of the sunlight making it appear as if she was glowing white. With all the time she spent outside, strolling and protecting the village from demons like me, her skin never tanned. She sat down and pulled out a brush and began to detangle her hair.

_I untied my hair and flipped it back as I began to brush it. My hair was something I took much pride in, the one thing I had that connected me to a real woman. I combed it and always got it cut straight if it should ever become uneven. I loved it so much; whenever it became tangled I would pull out my brush and set all the strands back to perfection. But when I knew he was watching, something boiled in my gut and warmed my blood… but what was it?_

I saw her eyes flicker from the ground to me then in a flash back to the ground. She knew where I was all along, that was a stab to my pride a little. I stood up and showed myself fully, my eyes glaring at her when she didn't move in the slightest to my sudden presence.

_Why did he show himself? I froze for a second and was about to look up when I thought better of it. I was about to make a grab for my bow, but not until he attacked would I do that. "Hanyou… what is your business?" I said with no emotion in my voice. He sniffed and crossed his arms with distrust. _

"_Do not _call me that," I barked, and with that she finally looked up. Her eyes didn't meet mine but like woman do they just barely met the chin. She stirred and asked "_Then your name, what is it?_" I thought about that question, weather or not I should give my real one and not. "Inuyasha" I finally said.

"_Inuyasha-kun… very well" I said and stood up to leave, my alone time now cut short. I saw him glaring at me but he didn't see my eyes meeting his for less then half a second. "_Your name!_" He barked annoyingly, ready to strike. I nearly smiled, I knew that was coming._

When she didn't reply I just yelled "Fine, the hell with you". Still she walked away, the long bow gripped steadily in her hand. She never once showed any feeling to anything, unless slight anger towards a demon or me to be told to stay away. She didn't have to tell me, a high priestess as she couldn't go nameless.

--

"Kikyou" I said with a tone of victory. She turned around quickly, that little sister of hers clutched her sleeve. Her eyes narrowed but didn't seem angry, almost amused. "Keade" She said and the little girl nodded and dropped the quiver of arrows by her sister's side and hid behind a tree.

"_So, you've found out my name" I breathed, part of me happy that he did. He grunted and looked the other way, half embarrassed. I turned to Keade and shrugged my head towards the village. Both of us watched as she slowly tipped toed out from behind the tree and ran towards the village as soon as she was out in the opening. I was moderately surprised he didn't make a dive for her._

"_Inuyasha-kun, this is the first time we will talk, no?"_ She asked and my eyes zoomed back to her. I was about to say 'I know it is' but my mouth remained shut.

"_Inuyasha-kun" I said softly and stepped closer and watched as his body became tense, "do you know why I haven't killed you yet?" His eyes finally met mine, and neither of us dared to look away, but part of me begged myself too. _

Those eyes, they spoke of themselves. Her eyes were always so sad, and never have I seen her really smile. I didn't want to ask why, so instead I raised my eyebrow a little and grunted. "_Because, Inuyasha-kun, we are alike_". I was shocked, me like and her, a miko? "How?"

_I was startled by my ability to get the words out, now was time fore the follow up. I slipped my long bow onto my torso so I didn't need to hold it and took yet another bold step forward. "Inuyasha-kun, we are alike. The villagers" I said, my eyes finally breaking the contact they had with his and turning to the village, "they see me as a protector. They have respect for me yet fear also. Never has one talked to me as human, only a miko meant that keeps the demons away. And you" I was about to talk of his human side, but I stopped. _

I saw the first glimpse of emotion from her since I had began to pursue her. But part of my gut sunk when her eyes rolled across the village, explaining her pain. She spoke no lies, why was she opening up so much? I waited for her to connect her pain with my life, but she hesitated and looked to the ground. "_We… are both outcasts_" she finally said and looked to see if my gaze had moved but was shocked to see it hadn't.

_I waited for him to say something, but when he didn't my thoughts turned to the jewel. I could feel it becoming colder on my neck; it had never done that before. I bowed and began to leave "Till next time Inuyasha-kun". _

She walked away slowly enough to prolong the moment, however I didn't think it was intentionally. I turned around and jumped into the tree. Then I thought about something I hadn't the entire time, the shikon-no-tama. My eyes turned towards her, and I watched her walk away. Lately I hadn't thought of the jewel, only of her. Kikyou. Something about that thought made my eyes turn downward. She had told me something so personal, why? I'm a hanyou, and I pose nothing but a threat to her, so then why open up even a little to me?

--

"_Inuyasha-kun_" She said suddenly as she sat alone on a hill over looked the village. I walked from behind the tree with arm crossed, still not liking the idea that even if I knew she could tell where I was if I was near her I could stop following her. "What?" I snapped. "_Come, sit with me. Dwell not in the shadows_" She spoke softly, and she seemed to always pick her words carefully to sound heavenly, or maybe she just was.

_He sat a few feet beside me, but not as close at I would have hoped. I didn't want for us to pretend that we didn't see each other as we were not far away from being right beside each other. I was sick of it almost. Also with him, he seemed like someone I could talk to, pour out my thoughts. A dairy I was not allowed to keep, feelings forbidden, showing emotions... trained not to. If not for him, where was I to turn?_

Her eyes seemed puzzled and conflicted as she stared at the village, making sure no demons were in the air. She sighed a little and turned to me, and when she did I looked away. She made me feel nervous, but not in a way to make me think she would attack. I looked around her to see no bow with her, and her sleeves were blowing in the sudden wind so no short bow was with her. I shifted a bit towards her, my eyes on the shikon-no-tama, but then I thought about how she would feel. I didn't want her to be hurt by my selfishness, and I looked at her and not the jewel.

"_Inuyasha-kun… I am no woman," I whispered and he froze. "What the hell, yes you are human!" He snapped, not even trying too read between the lines. I smiled on the inside when he said that, a sad smile. "Human, yes, but never a woman" I spoke, trying to maintain emotionless even if the words themselves were full of it._

Was she stupid? Why would she say such a thing? She was a woman clearly, and a human!

"_I can never act like a woman, feel like a woman. Mikos… we are forbidden from many, many things Inuyasha-kun. Do… do you Inuyasha view me as a woman?" I dared to ask, praying that someone did. _

I thought for a moment, I always saw her as a woman. But the way she described being one, I couldn't say. I did see how the villagers treated her; they only talked to her when they needed something, only the children played with her. Aside from then she bathed alone, walked alone, ate alone minus the few times with her sister. "Feh" I snapped and stood up, not wanting to answer her too serious question, "shut up! Nobody has the perfect life! Why should yours be any different?"

_I stared into his eyes when he couldn't help but stop walking and turn to see my reaction. I broke my first rule, I boldly smiled at him. "Inuyasha-kun, you speak the truth. Thank you" I said and the wind picked up making his hair blow in his eyes so I couldn't read them. _

I felt cruel for saying what I did, and for a while all I could do is stand there and look at her. The wind made her flawless hair spin around her body when it switched directions. Her smile was heart breaking; I couldn't help but feel as if I'd stomped on her feelings. How could I take back what I said without sounding weak? "Kikyou-dono… uh, there is no need for thanks… just stop by here tomorrow, same time. If you're late I'm leaving" I said and darted off.

_I stood up and stopped smiling, ready to start up my duty of High Miko. When I felt he was nowhere near me, I pulled out the small knife that had been poking me side since I had waited for Inuyasha. He was demon still, but at least now I knew he would make no more attempts to gain the jewel. _

--

I sat on the rock of the water off, my jacket off and sitting on a rock getting cleaned by the rough current. My white shirt I still had on and I sat on a large rock in the middle of the waterfall on the edge. I wanted to look clean for Kikyou tomorrow. The water splashed on me and got my cloths wet which would cool me off for most of the day, summers were much to hot. My gazed moved about until it fell on a woman near the pool of water dunking her head and pouring water on her. I was about to look away; I could care less about some random woman bathing, until I saw that it was Kikyou. My eyes shot back to her and I leaned closer to the edge to get a better view. I had never seen so much of a woman's body before; her scent was carried by the water back to me. It was different, smelt of something completely pure with hints of smoky firewood. The jewel hung from her neck but I thought it glowed because of her beauty. My eyes peered at her, why did she make me stop and look? When I thought she was any other woman I didn't care, but when I saw it was Kikyou… I had to watch. Suddenly I caught myself and looked away, she was a miko, I a hanyou, I shouldn't gawk. Once in a while my eyes would flicker back towards there, but never again did I stare.

_He watched me and I allowed it, his eyes hung for long moments, but not where a normal man would look. He seemed to stare at my mouth, my eyes and hair. I brought my knee to my chest and hid much of my exposed body, but still his looking held a wild flare I had never felt before. I was proud of myself for not once looking his way, I let him think I didn't know he was near me, just this once. I stood up then, my white robe clinging and hiding nothing. I let my hair fall over my face and with the spaces between the strands I looked over towards him without him knowing I was. He wasn't look, painfully trying not to look because as I put of a dry over robe to conceal myself, his eyes would look back for only a few seconds. I lay on the grass and waited for my hair to dry, I nearly fell asleep but stopped myself, I wanted too but I didn't trust him enough yet. _


	2. Stories yet to be told

Chapter two: Stories yet to be told

All Shinto stories told are true myths and do greatly connect with Shinto, Amaterasu-o-mi-kami more so. 

The cold of fall came quickly but the rest of the world seemed to be trying to cling to summer by not allowing leafs to change colour or grass to become brittle. The cold air swept across the village, making people rush into their huts for a quick warm up. When people had to be outside they kept to the sunlight and away from the casting shadows. The sun seemed to come and leave quicker then it had ever before, dusk was always on everyone's mind when they stepped out. It was the time of the year when woman would sit inside and talk of marriage, love, and upcoming children. Men worked outside and harvested the last of the food to fed their families till winter pass. Children played with dolls or wooden sticks they pretended as swords inside, and teenagers helped with housework.

_By the time I was halfway into my second round of the village, twilight reared its head, a slight smile on its lips. Something about tonight felt nice, welcoming. I picked up pace to escape the coming darkness. I was just about past the lake when I stopped and looked up at the tree. I was about to smile but stopped myself, the firm voice of my High Priestess teacher Kimoyoko reading rule one: no feelings, and looked around. Not one villager was out, and firelight was burning in the huts that did have windows. "Inuyasha-kun, I hadn't seen you all day! I'm sorry for not coming to the meeting place but alas a demon had been killing people in a near by village, I could not yet leave them for dead just-" just to meet with you? That was too cruel. _

I sat in the tree, watching as she paced herself slowly to make sure not one demon was near. She spoke with a smile even if her lips never did. I jumped from the tree and said "Pef, whatever, I didn't wait". That was lie; I had sat for most of the afternoon in that place.

_I put my long bow across my chest and my heart skipped a beat when the jewel was moved and his eyes darted to it. "Inuyasha-kun, this is my favorite and least favorite time of the long day," I said, turning to what was left of the sunlight. He seemed somewhat mad at me, but I didn't acknowledge it as he was trying to hide it. _

I was happy to see she knew me enough to know I wouldn't hurt her now and put her long bow away. "How can it be both? You hate something or love it, those don't mix," I snapped and looked at her, my eyes didn't care for the ball of light. _"Because it ends the day and such my turn to retreat inside, but it's beautiful, nay?" _She questioned and even when her face was emotionless, her voice held so many notes of happiness, sadness, and hope. She turned to me, I saw the corners of her lips move up a little, "_Will you walk me to my hut? Tomorrow at near dusk we will meet again_" She asked and began to walk before I could reply, knowing full well I'd say yes.

--

I sniffed when she came into view just outside the village; the sun was weighing too much for itself and sluggishly dropping to the horizon. She held something in her hand and I uneasily shifted to the side. "Inuyasha-kun, hello" She said goddess like again, her voice nearly a whisper and floated in the air. "Kikyou-dono" I replied but with a flat voice, acknowledging her but nothing more.

_I knew night was coming so after my praying I rushed to meet him and forgot completely about putting back the wooden tag that held the name of Amaterasu-o-mi-kami. Inuyasha looked at the tag with questioning eyes as I sat down near him, close enough to feel his hair if the wind blew, not close enough to intrude. _

"_It says Amaterasu-o-mi-kami_," She said holding the wooden tag with no picture, just the name engraved and painted black on it, to my face. "Who?" I asked, having no idea on religious matters. She let a small nearly non-existed smile grace her face and covered the tag with her hands and held it to her breast, sighing deeply.

"_It's the sun goddess, in Shinto she has much power" I began, glad he was interested in something I said. "_Really? I don't know anything about Shinto_" He said, interest unable to hide in his voice. "Would you like to know? It really fascinating" I said, slowly inching my way toward him. _

I had only just saw that she was not carrying her bow, such trust. "Sure" I said, willing to hear a story if nothing else. She looked at the tag for a moment, I bet picking the words and trying to turn all her training into a story of allure.

"_Let start with Amaterasu's story. She is the Sun Goddess, however one day her brother Susanoo ruined a scared building and killed one of her fairest maidens in a fit of rage. She became terrified, so she hid away in a cave, sending the world into darkness. Ama-no-Uzume did a dance to bring her outside her cave and she came out, then the save was closed behind her." I said all this while smiling on the inside; I thought the story was a good conversation starter. _

The story seemed a bit vague for my taste; I hoped that wasn't what turned her to Shinto. "And?"

"_There is another story I like more," I stated again, maybe such a silly story wasn't to his liking. "Izanagi has a much sadder story, if you're interested". He shrugged and looked at the sun setting, already it was nearly time to go. "Izanagi had fallen in love with Izanami and they planned to have a child. However Gods do not have children like us, they dance almost in circles. However this couple did it wrong" before I could go on he butted in. _

"How the hell could Gods not know what they are doing?" I snapped, and she turned to me unaffected. "_Well Inuyasha-kun, this was his first wife, and you didn't let me tell you how. One walked the wrong way in the circle, the wife. They were told of the fault by his father, and they fixed it, soon a baby was born_" She said, her voice delicate. It's just a stupid love story.

"_Well sadly enough, the wife died giving birth," I said with an implied sadness in my voice. His ears perked up when he heard this; happy the story was taking a serious turn. "Well, the husband unable to accept this went to find his wife in the world of the Yomi(_dead_) to find her the next day" and again he demurred. "_Why did he not go the day of? I mean if he loved her_" He asked, this time his voice wasn't rough and lost was his defensive voice._

"_I think he was in a state of mourning, probably socked and hurt. But nonetheless Inuyasha-kun, he let his new born stay with his sister and made way to the never world. He found before a scared rock seal, and he screeched for the better half of the day until she came to view. 'I'm sorry, I can't returned to the world of life, I have already eaten the fruit of the world and my soul is bound to it. So unable to fully accept that, he waited until nightfall and lit a torch while she slept. That's when he saw her true self_" She said all this, the entire time her voice grew darker.

_I was now sitting right by him, but still I couldn't close that small gap. He leaned in close to me, waiting on my words, waiting for the conclusion. It felt nice to know I could grab his attention so. "She was rotting flesh, but he could not have saw this before as the underworld is always dark. She awoke to see her lover running in fear, screaming of what horrible thing she had become, In a fit of rage she chased him, until he enter the world of the living and sealed off the world of the dead. She screamed to kill a thousand of his people a day for turning on her so he reply he would give birth too a thousand five hundred a day". _

I leaned back, that story I liked. It was bleak, sad and caught you off guard. "I see, that story was pretty good" I said and sat back, my shoulders uncoiling and I waited for her to leave as the sun had already set. She looked at me, and smiled. Her eyes still remained sad, but she dared to smile at me. I had to respond to her, and I smiled back. She neared again and my shoulders tensed up, her shoulder touched mine. "What are you doing?" I asked, afraid almost. Her eyes saddened, and she backed away.

"_I'm sorry if it seemed I was too close" I said, and backed away. Inuyasha turned away, and then turned back. "No no, Kikyou-dono. I just um, see you tomorrow?" He said and flashed another smile, his fangs showing brashly. I nodded, and he turned to me. I dared then to speak of my pain. "Inuyasha-kun, being a miko, its not always so impressive" I said making sure to keep my eyebrows from curling up in pain. _

She was trying to hold down feelings I saw. They were trying to break that hard exterior and jail they had been contained too. She was a great Miko in my eyes, so able to talk of hard things yet never allow the pain they cause to be shown on her face, only in her eyes. Her eyes were something she could not control; the shine in them darkened or lightened depending on her mood. Sometimes, like now, when she was about to say something sad they held no shine at all. "Kikyou?" I asked, and quickly added 'dono'.

_I spoke of the pain of never being able to love, or lose. I spoke of how showing feelings was not allowed. I spoke of never being a woman, and how it pained me. He sat right beside me when he listened, part of me thinking it was only due to pity yet another part said that was stupid. After I was done I couldn't stop my face to become emotional, and I lowered my head, allowing my hair to cover it. I had the nerve then to take his hand in mine, and smiled when he didn't pull it away. _

When she spoke so truthfully, I couldn't help but be touched. I was about to put my hand on her shoulder when she suddenly took it in hers. After how much she had told me, I couldn't possibly yank away. Then found that I didn't want too, I wanted to hold her hand. We looked each other in the eye and she smiled again, but still those eyes stayed sad. "Will you walk me back? Night has come so fast" she said and stood, my hand slipping from hers.

_I nearly laughed when he suddenly stood up and took my hand again and said 'Sure!' with as much enthusiasm as a child. _

--

_I sat on the shore of the lake, awaiting something, awaiting nothing. The day had just begun and I had brought more food then I needed because I felt hungry this morning but when the food was ready to be eaten I lost my appetite. Now more then half of what I made was going to waste away, and sadly enough no one in the village would 'taint' a holy woman's food by putting it to their lips. _

"Kikyou-dono!" I called out, waving my hand above my head as I neared. She turned and smiled at me, then she stopped, forgetting to hold back feelings. She had brought her bow this time, the early morning light bounced back at me when it hit the black and glossed longbow. A basket sat beside her, wonder what it contained.

"_Inuyasha-kun, would you like some food?" I asked when he sat beside me and stirred at the basket. Before he could refuse I spoke "As a Miko no one is allowed to eat anything I make, not even Keade, its too 'holy' almost for them, so I hope you can at least eat it". _

She whipped back the blanket covering the basket and I couldn't help but drool a little. Two fresh rice balls with seaweed wrap covering part of them, and I smelt fish in them. Clear soup with small bits of cucumber in them, for texture not taste. On the side in a small pot was green tea, and beside that was a strawberry.

_He picked up the rice ball and sniffed it. "Why are you not eating it?" He asked and turned to me, a bit of distrust in his eyes which saddened me. I was about to lie, afraid telling him it was my leftovers but a lie was something I would not tell. "I made too much this morning," I said and he shoved a rice ball towards me. "Eat," he commanded. _

She plucked it from my hand and bit down, eating slowly. So it wasn't poisoned, with that I ate the other rice ball. I made her drink some of the soup, poured some tea from some of us and she had to drink first. It was filling even if she ate some of everything; I think she detected the reason why I made her do so.

_I understood his reason, but I did think I had earned more trust then that. We sat in silence for a while, and then I asked him something big, something I maybe should not have. "Inuyasha-kun, what of your past?"_

I froze; did I have to answer? No I didn't HAVE to, but part of me told my mouth too. "Kikyou-dono, will you die if you don't know?"

_No, but part of our relationship would. _

She stared silently, wanting to know more then I would ever be willing to tell. "Fine, my mother was human. She was always crying because humans are cruel sick beings. She died while I was still a child. My brother is the lord of the Western Lands and wants me dead. My father is dead, I didn't know him" I finished quickly so if she missed anything, too bad.

_A sad childhood, I then turned to myself. "I'm sorry to hear that. As for me, I was always to be the strongest Miko. My mother was a Miko, until she had fallen in love with my father. They kept their love secret, away from the eyes of the watchful villagers. However, one day when they stole away a villager saw them be more then Miko and man. My mother was stripped of her Miko duties, her holy robes, and evidently her powers. They traveled from village to village, however always kicked out. While they searched for a home I was born, and Keade born when we lived outside a village. One day I picked up a bow when I was only five and fired it. My mother saw this and from then on I was training to become a Miko. She was cruel, my mother. If I slipped the bow I'd be hit, and yelling was her form of talking". _

Her eyes were blank when she talked, lost in thoughts. It was as if she was off on some other world, I bet she pretended she was to make it easier to talk.

"_My mother told me everyday never to ruin my gift, my life, by falling in love… like she had. She would say this with no shame while my father stood by, and he would nod his head in agreement but I saw past that, to the heart that was braking inside him. Then one day the village came under attack by a demon tribe, and my mother was caught as the demons moved on. They… killed her and acted as if she wasn't dead, my father falling right into their trap. His neck was snapped before my eyes as me and Keade hid under the tattered remains of our once so proud hut. After that I traveled to this village, which is more then a few weeks away from my old one. I ask to live here and exchange I would become their Miko, and that's my life as of now" as I finished my story he neared. _

I leaned in, almost ready to touch her lips lightly with mine when I pulled back and put my arm around her shoulders, enclosing her. "Thank you" I said and she nodded, and leaned on me. She didn't return to the village until nightfall.


	3. A different breed of woman

Chapter three: A different breed of woman…

The village protector would spend days inside now, the winter wind whipping wildly to blow open straw doors. Most would now layer their doors, four or five layers, the make them heavier and less likely to blow off. Now was the time of the year to only reflect, days spent beside kindling fires and with family. Fur coverings provided little warmth, and the heavier kimonos could only do so much. How could the head Miko answer when people asked why the gods had given them such a cold winter? Such a deathly winter? She had prayed and it seemed some of those were unanswered. She tried to explain, it was not the god's anger that was causing such a hard winter, it was only the earth it self being in a bad mood. Mother Earth had not had a wonderful summer, and now she is in a fit of rage gave us a bitter winter, soon to melt away into a plentiful summer. This seemed to tide over some people, others outraged with such a story prayed in their huts, burning sacred papers.

_I sat outside leaning on a tree, breathing in the sweet winter air. This time of year was too cold for me, my skin far to thin. This time enchanted me nonetheless, the small flakes of snow piling gently on one another until they created fluffy masses. I didn't want to move at all; afraid I would move the snowflakes out of their perfect place. Scared I would break the perfect picture before me. _

I sat beside her; surprised to see she didn't know I was behind her. Snowflakes fell slowly from the sky and as I looked at her I could clearly see she was in love with the surrounding. Her eyes, however still somewhat sad, seemed lit up as they moved about the small piles of snow. I didn't care much for frozen water.

_Not one person was outside, and we were close enough to the village that if only the windows of the huts weren't boarded up, everyone could see us sitting. But the winter kept us safe, safe to talk and confide. "Hello, Inuyasha-kun. What brings you here today?" I asked after a long while of comfortable silence._

"I guess I wanted to see you again," I said without fully realizing the impact of those few words, and the truth behind them. Damn it, winter had a way of making speak the whole truth. She turned to me, eyes lit up, and all sadness gone. Had I done that? Had I make those sad eyes seem happy?

_"So forward" I pointed out, my gut doing a happy flip, "I'm glad. I missed you too, Inuyasha-kun. Did you know what I was just thinking about?" I said and he shook his head and I swore I saw blush on his face, the slightest hint of it. "I was thinking about Shinto goddesses and the beauty they possess. Just think, being able to act so graceful without even knowing it, just having it in your blood" I said, my eyes turning from the snow to him. _

Her pure white skin would have been impossible to tell apart from the snow if not for the rosy cheeks that brought colour to her face. Did she not know her own grace? That grace that caught my eye, made me stare in awe with how she walked, strung her words and gestures? She curled up beside me then, and my hand found hers, and soon we were so close we would have looked as husband and wife from a view.

_I was cold as ice yet didn't want retreat home, not if he was near. I was glad that after I cuddled with him he untied his jacket and put it like a blanket. Then he took his arms out of his sleeves and put those too around me, his arms reaching around and holding me close to him. It was that moment that I hadn't felt any sadness in me, not one little bit. _

How could one not consider her a goddess of sorts? She, who had made me the tainted hanyou fall for her while pushing nothing, asking nothing, and always thought of other before her altruistic self. Yet still, she had not seen me in my human skin, and maybe she never will.

_Yet, as we sat here, both not saying anything nor needing too, a tear rolled down my cheek and froze mid way. Here we were, happy and content and I knew love was near us, watching us and being in us yet… yet still stood the wall between us. Miko, Hanyou. Then the jewel, which still hung loosely on my neck, and bounded me as a Miko. Never to love, never to lose and never to gain. That's a miko._

_--_

_"Really Inuyasha-kun?" I asked when he shoved a brush into my hands. "Yah, don't make so much of it" He said and didn't look into my eyes. I stared in amazement at the brush with so many needles; it was pure black with a design golden bellflower. "Your always brushing your hair and it use to be my mom's, besides she told me bellflower means Kikyou once, I figure its fate or something" He said and looked at the brush again. I clutched it in my hands and jumped and wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing my cheek onto his. "Thank you Inuyasha-kun!" I screamed and I felt so warm when he hugged me back. Both of us didn't move for a while, just stood holding each other until he grew embarrassed, cutely so. _

_--_

Night came fast and I sat alone in the snow-covered tree, my skin, hair, nails, teeth and blood were changing. If I didn't sleep, I could yet live another day. Only when I was fully human did I notice the demon nearing me, laughter in her voice. She had on a robe which must have belong to a Geisha because it was large and overly decorated, her hair was flaring red and long, too long. She was a pretty girl too, looked almost human if not for the tinted red eyes. "You were a hanyou, and here I was waiting, knowing your demon powers were weakening and not till now did I know why" She said, and hovered above the branch I sat on. "I'm going to kill you, half breed" She said and pulled from behind her a long knife, almost a sword but not.

"And, what would you get out of killing a human demon bitch? That's not what a real demon dose, that what a fuckin' coward does" I barked, trying to keep my cool but that knife did make my gut drop. She leaned in close, too close, so that if I moved our lips would touch. "Oh ho, half breed, I am a coward I suppose. See, I hate the hunt yet love the kill" and she moved in, my lips locked for a second with hers. Disgust and hate fill me, and all I could think as I took a swing at her is that I wanted no woman to touch those lips, but Kikyou. She flew back, and sent the knife at me. I had to move and then I fell from the branch that thankfully wasn't too high. I hit the ground with a thud and ran, ran as fast I could to nowhere.

"Inuyasha-kun?" I heard that voice, her voice. "Kikyou!" I screamed, not caring anymore to add 'dono'. She looked up, but too late. The demon girl flew down and that knife I just knew had entered part of Kikyou. I saw red hit the ground before anything else and that's when I lost it. The sharp pain that up my side was begging me to stop moving all together, yet I didn't, not when Kikyou was hurt. I heard her shrill scream and next thing I knew I felt that knife in my hand as I grabbed it. Kikyou flew back, wounded.

_I saw him falling from the tree and before a second word could leave my lips, a demon attacked. The knife hit my arm and dug to the bone. Inuyasha grabbed the demon and threw her off of me, but damage had been done. My arm fell limp and I couldn't close my left hand, so using a bow was out of the question. I fell to one knee, pure disappointment in myself. How could I not see that demon's attack coming?_

The demon girl showed her fangs and tried to bit down me but I moved just in time. I grabbed the knife from her hand and without caring for my own pain, yanked it out of her grip. Red snow was everywhere around me, my only indication of how much blood was pouring from me.

_I stood up as Inuyasha grabbed the knife from her and she was left weaponless, but not defenseless. Her eyes studied us for a second, glazing over me then Inuyasha then back to me, trying to connect. Her mind was not hard to read when it finally clicked. "A miko, a hanyou, together? You…" She turned to me then, a sick smile on her lips, "whore"._

How dare she. I didn't think about my next move then, I just did it. I held the knife over my head and next thing I saw was she on the ground, the bloody knife in her head. I cringed and grabbed my side, falling to one knee. Kikyou rushed to me, holding my hand and placing her other arm in a half hug. "Oh, Inuyasha-kun! I'm sorry, next thing I knew you weren't yourself and you stabbed her, I tried to help but" She said all of this fast, scanning me.

_It had all happened so suddenly for me, me who battled and killed countless demons. The second she called me a whore, Inuyasha became someone I never saw before. Even when he tried to get the jewel from me and was angry when he failed I never saw his eyes become so blank and cold as they just had. "Get out of here Kikyou" He muttered, still wincing in pain. _

How could I know if she had friends, if she hadn't still out some damn signal before she died? Kikyou's arm wasn't fully working because she wasn't so much holding my hand as placing it on top of my hand. She shouldn't even be here, how the hell did she know me? I'm human now!

_We sat for a second, silence everywhere. Then I got to think again, how come Inuyasha was human? I asked this but he just told me to go, to leave him for dead. His eyes lids were growing heavier and then without warning they closed and he fell forward, on my hurt arm. I yanked it out for under him and tried to think. My arm was too hurt to even use, and it was mid winter which means its too cold to stay outside. God, all I wanted to do was return to the shrine for a quick after dinner pray and it was because of that I ran into Inuyasha. _

_I turned him over after about twenty minutes of trying with my one arm and laid him on my lap. The snow fell lightly tonight, and there was no wind meaning that it wasn't too cold. Maybe tonight wouldn't be so unbearable in the winter; my pelt of fur was big enough to keep both of us warm. My hand flowed over his hair which was so wild yet soft. His features seemed different too, and his skin was not longer a pale white but rather a soft tan. He still made my heart beat a little faster, even when he wasn't in his usual skin. I couldn't sleep, but my body begged for it. I knew his rip had snapped on his fall down now, but what if it had cause more damage on the inside then out?_

--

My eyes opened and all I could see was black. I jerked my head and saw it was on Kikyou's lap. Blush covered my face as I sat up, and her half open eyes, sleeping while awake. She yawned a little and then opened her eyes fully, confused one second and surprised the next. I was hanyou again and my wound healed over. She sat for only a moment, both of us fully realizing what had happened only a few hours before.

_I sighed and suddenly fell forward into his arms. Snow had covered the both of us when I feel asleep so I hoped he wasn't too cold, however it did stop falling. He caught me and my eyes closed on their own accord. Suddenly I was lifted up and I felt something cold touching my lips. When I opened my eyes I saw I was looking at his closed ones. _

She had seen me as a human, she had got hurt because of me and still she stayed awake most of the night to make sure I stayed alive. When she toppled over into my arms, I felt this sudden rush. "Kikyou…" I breathed and stared at the few snow flakes caught on her eyelashes. I knew I was in love. I grabbed her and while she was falling to sleep and half awake, brought her lips to mine. That's the only kiss I wanted.

_I put what last strength I had to enclosing my arms around him. "Inuyasha…" I whispered, his name was so perfect. The kiss was short yet long enough to savor the moment, and when he hugged me I fell asleep. I didn't want to fall sleep. _

She snored only once, right when she fell asleep in my arms this time, and it was cute none the less. I took off my jacket and I felt her warm up. I couldn't dare move her, not until she had gotten enough sleep.

Kikyou was a goddess among humans.

--

Oneesama gave me hope where it could not be found. She had only kind words and sought only to help others. She was sister to me, my mother, my hero and my life. But as she went away to train to be a miko, and upon her return and with the added duty of the shikon-on-tama, she slipped away. Now she was more a miko then human. She was still inhumanly kind but she was also not herself. She walked the village grounds with eyes blank and feelings lost. However a few weeks past and that changed. She took me to him, the feared hanyou.

Some in the village talked of Inuyasha, the hanyou seeking only that of the jewel. But when I saw Oneesama's eyes grew brighter in the past months, I couldn't not meet him. When she told me of Inuyasha and meeting him, I felt my insides quiver. I trusted her too much to object, so I followed. He sat by a frozen lake and didn't smile in the slightest when I neared. I bowed and said with as much courage as I could "Hajimemashite". He seemed very distrusting of every move I made, as if I was going to pull a knife on him at any moment. Food was served and all the while I saw my sister smiling.

This is a formal way to say hello, and also means 'this is the first time we've met'

She seemed so happy, even if he didn't relax in the slightest. He ate the food and after Oneesama said that I made the soup, I heard him mutter thanks. For a second he smiled at me, a warm smile that wasn't forced. Time wore on and he became relaxed, and then I saw he looked at Oneesama in a kind way. His eyes gave way to his feelings and showed he did care about her. When Oneesama and I left, she asked what I thought about him, about them. "Oneesama, he is much kinder then what the villagers say! Oneesama I like him" I said and I hadn't seen her smile as much as she did there in years.

If she loved him, I loved him. If she hated him, I hated him. He made her smile, he tore away that shell of a miko for a few moments and I like him for that. She trusted him, and I trusted him for that. She loved him, and I loved him because of that. Because he brought back my sister, I loved him like family.


	4. You held me in your hand

Chapter four: You held me in your hand…

Like the village Miko said, winter thawed into spring quick enough and planting season was yet at hand. Now was the time to walk the village grounds, play with the children and water whatever food they had planted. Birds now flew close enough to almost touch you, and the grass grew as tall as your hip. Due to the great Miko's foreshadowing and promises, a magnificent dinner was held for the whole village when the food grew within a few weeks. The Miko say with her people, and clapping her hands to bless both the cuisine and the people. The hanyou however watched from a far, mouth drooling over the vast amount of food being eaten. He half resented her at that moment, her being able to finish a plate and a second later having it filled again. Her eyes would dart in his direction, showing she did feel bad he could not jump from that tree and enjoy the many delicious treats.

After the fest she came to me, smiling lightly and holding yet another basket of food, the Shikon-no-Tama hung gently around her neck. "Inuyasha" She called and looked up at me, we no longer use formalities. I jumped from the tree and she hugged me for a second before pulling back and placing the basket in my hands.

_It hurt so much to know he was there; watching me eat yet could not join. I heart sunk and I could not fully enjoy my food, so I stopped eating early to save some room and eat with him. We walked to the hip long grass field and ate in an easy silence. After the food had left, we just laid in the grass, enjoying everything. _

The jewel shone on her neck and damned if I haven't already fully hated that thing. It was the only thing that was keeping us fully apart, always Miko and hanyou. If she didn't have that, would we still have met? If she wasn't bounded by that, would we be together? Really together?

_We kept our unwilling distance between each other, always having the idea of how nothing could really boil between us, but it had already begun. It had started when we talked, not threatened. Our eye met and locked, we just stared without words spoken. _

Suddenly the idea came to me, like an awesome wave is washed over my brain. "Kikyou… what if, the jewel… a demon could use it and make it disappear right?" She nodded softly, questioning eyebrows raised. "Well… can it use for good?" I asked and she seemed to mow it over in her mind. "_Yes, it is a jewel of four different souls, Inuyasha, and all those souls represent something that makes a great human_" She said and placed her hand on my cheek with care.

"Could it be used then… to bring two people together?_" He asked and I felt my stomach knot. What was he asking? He brought me him that second and held me so close and tight that I could not dare push away. He kissed the top of my head and asked the question slowly, savoring the moment. "Would you use the Shikon-no-Tama to turn me into human, and together we… could be wife and husband?"_

I felt her loose her breath. She shook for a moment, and her hands gripped the jewel tightly. I heard her sob and I experienced a pain in my side, I didn't mean to make her cry. She pushed back and looked into my eyes, two tear rolling down her cheeks. She was smiling! Even her eyes! They were tears of joy!

_I couldn't believe the words that came out of his mouth. He really loved me… and I loved him more then my heart could contain. "Yes, it can and we could" I said his eye lit up, kissing my forehead then my lips, my neck. "Inuyasha… my Inuyasha, can you meet me here tomorrow at dawn?" I asked and he kissed my lips before replying. _

"Why must we leave already?" I asked, seeing it was only mid afternoon. "No no my Inuyasha, I'm just asking so you know what time we are… to wed" She said and played with my hair. "Yes my Kikyou" I replied then suddenly a playful smile grew across her lips. "Inuyasha… may I touch your ears? I've always wanted to and now that you're turning human… for me" She asked shyly and rose her hand to my head.

_He pulled away, then gave in and let my fingers guild across the pointed ears. They were so warm! They gave off their own heat and felt like warm silk under my fingers, which I ran up and down his ears. He jerked away and then smiled but I could tell he wasn't enjoying my indulgence. "Sorry" I said and he shook his head. "_Pef, don't be_" He said and we looked at the over passing birds, clouds and fireflies. I kissed him then, and cloths were painfully slowly shed, each of us wanting to see more but scared to. After a little bit I kissed him and whispered, "Tomorrow we are to be wed, and no more Miko and hanyou taunting us. Can we not pretend that day has already come?" That's when we fully committed to each other, and love was made. _

--

_"_**Miko… what is under those robes? No doubt a body any man would die for**" He asked and I felt my skin crawl; yet Oneesama continued her work on his wounds. That was too much. "How dare you speak to my Oneesama like that!" I screamed and threw the bowl of water on the ground in fury as I stood. "Keade" Kikyou said with surprise. "**Don't worry little girl, I'm sure that '**_**Oneesama**_**' of yours enjoys those kinds of compliments**," He said and slim dripped from the words. I cringed and ran out of the cave. Kikyou didn't follow until ten minutes passed; I sat in the field and waited for her. When she found me, she placed her hand on my shoulder and told me to look into her eyes, which I didn't.

"I don't like him! He is sick! He says awful things and treats you like a piece of flesh he cannot wait to have, despite the fact he never will. His stares at you in such a lustful way, it makes my gut knot up! We should leave him to die! He probably deserved the fate he was dealt!" I scream and tears dropped from my eyes, one after another. Kikyou hugged me closely and stroked my hair, I was sobbing onto her shoulder. "Shhh, Keade, listen to me. He will never move from that floor, his arm will never move, his legs will forever be motionless. All he has is words, is looks, take that not away from him. No man deserves such a fate, where there it no meaning to time and all to wait for is death" She said all this with no resentment in her voice. She was so pure, so untouched. I couldn't never even think of being as forgiving and kind as she.

"Keade, I have news, me and Inuyasha, we're going to be husband and wife, using the Shikon-no-Tama Only with your blessing I mean" She said and was about say something before I cut her off. "Oneesama! Really! You and Inuyasha are to be!? Oh, Oneesama, please do so!" I yelled hugged her and grinded my eyes into her shoulder, drying the tears of hate and wiping away the new ones of joy.

-

**Did I hear right? Had it been said? My woman Kikyou was to be with a dirty Hanyou? This one Inuyasha, no word had been spoken of him before. No matter, I'll kill him, I'll rape her, and I'll have the jewel yet. Demon feast for willing flesh, my soul is no better then a beast so better just become one. **

--

_I prayed late in the night, making sure the jewel was a pure as could be. I trusted that Inuyasha wanted to be human to the pit of his very soul, and wanted to be with me. I'm sorry mother, I'm in love. I'm giving up the years of purity, of being a servant of god, to be with a man I love. I love you father, I know you'd understand my need for love. The Shikon-no-Tama glowed with a pure light, white with hints of pink. It strange, that jewel gave my life as a Miko true meaning, but it was my jailer. My breathtaking jailer. I hadn't ever pictured myself being held by a man, being loved, and now that it had happened, it was almost too good to be true. _

_I was sad however, for he would no longer be a hanyou. He would yet be a human, different in skin then than his other self. But I loved him still, it didn't matter for he would still be Inuyasha. He would still be the one I fell in love with, the one that gave love in return. I reached into my shirt and pulled out his brush and placed it by the jewel. When I did that the temple grew a little lighter, then a littler darker. An omen, maybe, or it could be the Gods detecting their flawless miko being touched, and falling in love. The jewel however didn't glow any darker, meaning it wasn't an omen. It had to be a blessing, from my ancestors. _

--

I hated waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting. Time ticked so slowly that it didn't even seem it was moving. At least I had something truly wonderful to look forward to. Kikyou as my wife, me as a human. I couldn't help but grin there, I was waiting, hoping to become a human. Before the thought would have detested me. Sesshomaru would never have known it was me when I became human, when I'm with a wife and maybe one day kids. He knows me only as the hanyou, the very one that tainted the family name.

I watched the moon guild slowly across the sky, and then I felt sad. No human would be able to see the slight change in the moon in the sky only over ten minutes. I would miss myself, my hanyou self. To be able to smell a flower from fifty feet away, to be able to focus on it from a mile away. All these would be lost, and my long years. My demon years, which could span as long as I wanted. I shook my head at these thoughts. This wasn't fair to being thinking of. Kikyou would be giving up her powers as a miko, and I would be giving up my powers of a hanyou. Besides, my eyes wanted only that of Kikyou, and my long demon years would be meaningless without her in them.

Tomorrow, Kikyou and I wed, and will be together. Keade will live with us for a time, and a family we will be. Happiness have no bounds.

--

_I didn't dare think wrong of you, not once. Had you never thought good of me? Not once? _

_All I could feel was the sharp pain that didn't just run down my arm but rather all across my body. The jewel flew from my now limp hand; it hit the ground and bounced even further away from me. I hit the ground with a thud but I heard my blood splatter across it long before I reached it. _

_How could I not see his attack? Had I really been so lost in my own thoughts, thoughts of a better life? I barely felt when he stepped on my hand, but his cruel words hit me full force. It was all a lie; everything I thought my mother was wrong about was true. I coughed up blood and could only yell my new found hate; hate I thought would never flow in the veins of me, the purest miko. That right, I'm not the purest miko, only a woman untouched could call herself that. _

_So, that is how I was struck down, that was the reason for my end and my inability to connect with the jewel. I had made love. I had been dirtied, tainted. If I had only waited… would my blood still cover me or his? _

_I won't die like this, and I cannot let him kill the innocent. Oh god, Keade! Blood dripped behind me as I took a step every few second, I could already feel my lung filling with blood. I tried to cough it out and tears sprung in my eyes when I was able to. I… I was dying. _

_How could you? I love you. I love you. I loved you. _

--

The Shikon-no-tama hit the ground less then a second after I was pinned to the tree. There Kikyou stood, bow in hand, hate in eyes. So, there was the true Kikyou. That cold glare gave away everything I could not detect. I grinned with this, sadly enough. I swore never to trust, never ever again, yet I did. Promises are not meant to be broken.

So Kikyou, why'd you do it? I know you did, but why? What did you have to gain, to lose? Your purity is gone, only shame is that you gained. So why then?

Do I hate you? I mean really **hate **you? No. I cannot hate you, I don't know why. Even if you did it, something doesn't connect. Even as I die now, my world slipping far away from me forever, something isn't right. But still you did it; you shot that arrow and murdered me.

I feel warmer then normal, my eye lids heavy. Aren't I suppose to be cold? I don't want to close them; I know if I do my eyes will never meet yours again. I don't want to face death, not now. DAMNIT! I LOVE YOU! Why did it end like this? Why did you even end it? Please Kikyou, don't hate me, please never hate me.

--

_I saw him fall asleep before my eyes, leaving him pinned there as a constant reminder. I fell to one knee and Keade's little hands gripped my numb shoulder, I only saw it not felt it. My world is now a blur and I feel life leaving me, death entering in it's place. _

_Burn the jewel with me, leave no evil to taint it and the burden placed upon the shoulders of yet another girl. I love you yet Inuyasha, detest you still. I feel one of Keade's tear touch the tip of my fingers, I looked down to see the pool of blood and tears. I cried then too, for Keade more then me. _

_I didn't want my young sister, my wonderful sister, to see her Oneesama, her mother, to die before her eyes. I hear her cry my name, I hear her curse Inuyasha. I'm sorry you saw this Keade, I'm so glad your not hurt by him. I try to lift my arm to hug her, but I can't. My body is numb, I'm dead. I'm sure I have only seconds. _

_I'm so cold. _

_Then I see my world zipping by me as if I'm falling, but I never ever feel the walkway. _


End file.
